Hug Yellow People
Friday, June 27, 2008 : 7:09 AM : 0 comments
"For Asian American men, AznLover feels like a kind of parallel dimension, where their status is inverted: Rather than being exiled to the margins, Asian males are at the center of this particular universe; not just 'accepted,' but revered. 'I love the fact that people on the site acknowledge the beauty in Asian men,' says Harry Li, a Malaysian American member living in Texas. 'Society still makes women feel self-conscious about saying they like Asian features, or particularly, Asian guys, so even if they do, they won't let their attraction out in public. At AznLover, we all know why we're there -- we share a common bond, in that one group has the qualities, physical and otherwise, that the other appreciates.'
...
And objectification, meanwhile, is a two-way street: There's also the question of whether some Asian men who seek to level the romantic playing field are less motivated by racial justice than male entitlement: the desire to jump to the top of the social totem pole by bagging sexual big game. 'I do find it disturbing that some of the more extreme views I've seen are focused less on social equality than on Asian men attaining the same set of privileges as white males, whom they see as having the pick of women,' says [Carmen] Van Kerkhove."
-Opening the Box, Jeff Yang-
Labels: Relationships
OMG, LOL
Saturday, April 26, 2008 : 7:44 AM : 0 comments
In a recent article I was reading, Joan Rivers states that "Men find funny women threatening." That's horrible isn't it? If laughter is the best medicine, who wouldn't want a partner who makes you laugh all the time? Well, apparently there's guys out there who find a funny woman too much to handle. Is it mere male insecurity? Or is there something deeper?When the role of the funny guy is upsurped by a female, does it make guys uncomfortable? Does a girl who is too quick with her quips, too dryly sarcastic, too quick to make fun of something (or someone) lose major dateability points?
"[Kate] Sanborn pointed out that women have good reason to keep their one-liners to themselves. 'No man likes to have his story capped by a better and fresher from a lady's lips,' she wrote. 'What woman does not risk being called sarcastic and hateful if she throws the merry dart or engages in a little sharp-shooting. No, no, it's dangerous -- if not fatal."Anecdotal evidence from my many intelligent and accomplished female friends suggest that it's often smart (in the short run) to play dumb in the relationship game and it's apparently also advantageous for women to laugh instead of to create laughs. I addressed the issue of funny girls before [Jan 30, 2004] and the Lil'Ho had confirmed that some women are indeed less funny around men in order to maintain their attractiveness.
-Why Women Aren't Funny-
Does it truly take a special man to appreciate the loveliness of a sharp tongue or a quick wit? I noticed that on Match.com's list of potential turn-ons and turn-offs, "sarcasm" is listed along with items such as dancing, tattoos, candlelight, thunderstorms, boldness, public displays of affection, and brainiacs. That seemed really odd to me. I mean, maybe a negative attitude combined with sarcasm would be bad, but generally it's good right?
In conclusion, as always, boys are dumb (and girls are funny).
Labels: Relationships
Settlers of Venus
Wednesday, April 16, 2008 : 4:38 PM : 0 comments
"When we're holding out for deep romantic love, we have the fantasy that this level of passionate intensity will make us happier. But marrying Mr. Good Enough might be an equally viable option, especially if you're looking for a stable, reliable life companion. Madame Bovary might not see it that way, but if she'd remained single, I'll bet she would have been even more depressed than she was while living with her tedious but caring husband."
-Lori Gottlieb, Marry Him!-
Here's an interesting article for the ladies. The tagline is "The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough." Aaaah. Everyone is familiar with this problem. Single women who have achieved in so many other areas of their lives are faced with that great big molehill: a serious relationship. The article's advice? Settle. Take the man that kind of fits your needs and priorities and lock him up now so you can get on with it. Holding out for Mr. Right could make your eggs dry up in the process. Nobody can tell you when he'll show up at your door, or in your inbox, and nobody can even assure you that there is a Mr. Right for you. Why wait when you can just get on with life and stop having to be nagged about "So, got a boyfriend?"
The problem is, doesn't settling suck? I mean, it might if you look at it in the ultra-romantic way that we've all been raised into. True love should equal marriage. There's not a lot of fairy tales about the conveniece of Mr. Not Too Bad. The thing is, if you swap out your thinking, you might be able to convince yourself that you're not settling at all (even if all your friends say you are).
I mean, the alternative is to be alone forever. But the upside is that I'll be readily available and always willing to come over and watch a movie or something. After all, as the article points out, men don't have to settle.
"What I didn't realize when I decided, in my 30s, to break up with boyfriends I might otherwise have ended up marrying, is that while settling seems like an enormous act of resignation when you're looking at it from the vantage point of a single person, once you take the plunge and do it, you'll probably be relatively content.
It sounds obvious now, but I didn't fully appreciate back then that what makes for a good marriage isn't necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Once you're married, it's not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it's about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way.
I don't mean to say that settling is ideal. I'm simply saying that it might have gotten an undeservedly bad rap."
Labels: Relationships
